Nov 28, 2013

Thanksgiving My Way

Thank God
 I didn't fall down the stairs
or jab my finger up my nose;
I didn't hit a cop
or a pedestrian, 
 slide into the ditch
or a highway fence;

I didn't rear end anyone,
get caught telling lies
nor did I flood the toilet
or go completely blind.
I didn't get drunk,
burst into tears
or set anyone straight
about the government.

I did NOT step on my little dog
or choke her with a leash;
no more bouncing checks,
pawning mother's jewels
or offending of in-laws;
no arguments about religion
versus science
or pissing in my pants
but what I DID do
bears a mention to
those who follow after.

I did let an antique bottle full of water
freeze outside and break
after reminding myself a dozen times
to bring it inside first;

I did spill birdshit water on my foot
trying to feed our feathered friends;
I did lose a bunch of money
in check fees from the bank;
I did sell some stuff
to bail myself out;

I almost did get the cork
up and out of the white wine
before it broke and crumbled
like it does every time;
I did get to my friends house
before everyone else had left;
I remembered all the things
I'd intended to take;

  I also broke my front tooth,
gnawing on a turkey wing
as if I didn't know a thing
about how weak it was.
I did have to turn right around
and drive through the night
straight back home.

I did refuse to show the hostess
the black gap in my face -
I sensed she might giggle
and I'd have to kill her;
my dog looks at me differently
but she's so cute when
she cocks her head!

I will hide here at home
and not even use the phone
(except to call for dentistry's
care in this emergency)
because my upper lip is fluttering
from my own breath
and makes a hissing sound
or perhaps you'd say,  a lisp.

So, all in all, things could have gone
quite badly today and I'm thankful
that, at least, they weren't much worse,
but it's not over yet, of course.

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